Is my name; a suspect in the land of “…innocent until proven guilty…”  REALLY!?!?

Caught with a smoking gun and a body; although I never pulled the trigger…. 

the intent is prevalent with body and gun present. Nothing else is never considered, because the homicide of emotional trust and generosity is the overrides the fact that…

Sketchy is what they call me….

Here I am plea bargaining, arguing redirected conversations of my admitted guilt, arguments against myself I’ve built through the old adage “…action speaks louder than words…” actions view through binoculars held backwards, squinting trying to see the truth right before them. Circumstantial in nature factual to those that call me Sketchy….

Suspect is the word, given to the convicted; vindication to those who caught the perpetrator.  As they revel in the revelation of their disappointment and confirmation of all affirmations; a banner of their victimization and humiliation endorses is their vindication in all that’s right. While……

Sketchy is what they call me….

Accepting fault, guilt on tilt fearing the worst, because it you that hurt in the mist of the past brought to the present coupled with contempt cursed for past transgressions, insulting intelligence, mocking compassion, understanding, and generosity. All that is given from a heart of solidarity guarded by the light singeing all, “…what’s done in the darkness; comes to light…”

Sketchy is what they call me….

I can’t stand for this so I sit down to be knocked down constantly; reminders of my indiscretions, misdirection and imperfections…. smh….it’s a fucking emotional insurrection.!!! So I plead out, hoping for a lighter sentence, willing to do my penance and restitution for the crucifixion of feelings, trust and security…lmao seriously?

Sketchy is what they call me….

…. speaking of which I’m curious; why deal with, a deceiving, cheating selfish narcissistic? Is it to cure me with a self-righteous moral compass to guide me to the light and singe the fights about how delusional I am in my perspective; my skewed introspective keeping me from already incriminating myself any more than what I have.

Sketchy is what they call me….

In my mind a there’s precipitation caused by dark clouds forming the humidity of the humility suffered and endured. The forecast calls for rain, which I’m not prepared for, but still it rains. So I dance in this rain, through the pain, acid... tears, salty are the tears burning my eyes. Oh how I despise the heavens for opening up, not my tears, God’s tears drowning me in my prayers; while I dance underwater, accumulated rain, through the pain. Inner happiness – what brings a smile when sitting quietly alone in an empty room; this is what I stand to gain in my mind; there’s a perception of precipitation, so I guess I’ll have to be buy an umbrella…..

...To all who have lost a loved one...

Just like time, this too shall pass. Not the beginning nor the end just the passing; of time side by side life in spite of feeble attempts to prolong and put at bay; To remain alive is what we fight for; Related to time from beginning to end, blood relative not by choice, but by circumstances its cousin’s name is demise; this is existence’s plight. Once you accept death, you're free to live. No longer caring about your reputation. You no longer care, except so far as your life, to be used tactically to promote all that, which you believe in. Only then do you attain a fear for less; for death...

Be Fearless…of the dark; storms on the horizon; impending things with no names and no substance just the same. Imagined, created with acceptance. Stop owning the emotional bruises not by your own demise but by those cowards using co_words, with unsheathed tongues flailing about, flinging conjecture, hear-say here and there is what they spout, from that spicket  between their ears;

only because they care_less dispite what they never knowing how to be fearless…

Where they were....

 ...is where I been; revisiting the past now and then

looking back on time; only for it to pass me by

watching, wondering, pondering.....why

I let such beauty; yes you and I; leave me reminiscin’

moments in time echoing in my heart;

 damn I miss them where should I begin

Where they were...

...is where I begin; still wanting them now and then

looking back on time; no longer needed;

because time stands still waiting to be greeted

by love we started but never finished; no more need to be reminiscent

Where they were...

...is where I wanted to be; past mistakes made regrettably

the hands of time which stole from us; now works for us remarkably

Our hand moved by minutes of the second hand; dealt to us

a "Life Transplant" is what we call it...

I'm the donor and you're the recipient.

Where they were

...no longer a concern

where we are...to be; is up to you and me

a passion thought extinguished still burns

hotter than before; our essence; our love, eternally

is where they are…to be!

Drunk Love (A drunken tongue speaking a sober mind)

Falling in love is what I fear as I stare into your face the lust builds as I hesitate thinking “what the hell…” this feeling I can’t expel as it swells for this moment damn the torment as you entice me; words unknown to you my reaction you view and skew to your own interpretation damn the sensation my heart palpitation got me envisioning revelations of temptations that I try to resist; but still you insist, in as much as I struggle I still can’t resist you the tempest my soul doomed eternally the love/lust I’m engulfed! Thought of a person in lust while drunk.

 

E.N.A.M.O.R.

E.N.A.M.O.R.

E ver so gently you touched my heart

N ever ending love you accentuate; my soul you penetrate

A uspiciously you conquered my mind; that was just the beginning

M assaging my ego; enticing me ever so; now I anticipate

O nce only a dream; with hopes of bringing to life it’s meaning

R apport I have unmatched with mi amore; with you I’m so…

Fast Food Love

They thought they knew me; so they drew me on their heart, a canvas I tore apart, ripped to shreds leaving there hearts for dead
On my feet is where I need to be not in a relationship
Oxygen you offer me; life
Carbon dioxide is all I receive; death nothing but strife
Northern star what’s needed; to guide
Support not emotional/sexual consort
Role play is what they insist; displaying “I'm Not like the rest But still selfish needs bare root; while searching for truth
Listening to the love they confess; watching lies
In the process believing what we want and not what’s experienced.
Damaged goods - once optimistic now pessimistic.
You see me for who I was to be-for you, never for who will I be-for me and after you. Through loquacious and invidious words masquerading, entertaining visual acuities; it’s a pity, vision obscured by fog and mist….damn the vision lost. Feeling like the wind in my face as I piss.

I am what you miss in a listless state; of mind crowed
But sublime innuendo of life as it should be and not as it could be.
For this reason only you are lonely in dismay of life; now served your way…fast food style!

Human Nature

You’re human first then everything else second, as much as you try it’s difficult to stay the course
Even with Jesus at the helm and God as captain
You still follow your beliefs misconstrued; by your life you still believe to be certain…

Your life as a singularity, with out clarity as to why you live, only to take and expect; never to give!
What was given to you whether out of love or by mistake, your life; the question still remains, of this, what did you make? Besides excuses of “why not(s)” and “can’t(s)” only to draw on where you came from; your parents.

Such narrow thoughts don’t seem so odd, when all we have to do is trust in God,
Then blame Satin, of the two we’ve never seen; belief is what this remains…belief is what it means…
Yet in still what we can’t comprehend/explain, we come to blame on one or the other…
Why bother, when our own facilities over ride the innate essence that contains the truth that we ignore

Because we are human first then everything else second….

BROKEN

Shards of glass shatter is the life
Battered mirror pieces reflecting
Seven years of tears, fears, with best efforts
Tried to steer clear, swerving and dodging
The pot holes, oh the woes
Of our choices, voices of opinions
Nothing more than…
Pieces of me scattered everywhere
Reflections that stare; fragments laying there
As I’m trapped in my thought; searching for a way out
feeling my way through those dark thoughts, shout
echoes of I told you so; residual dismay lingering
around me, the perpetrators pointing and fingering me
as the scapegoat so they can gloat at me trapped
in my thoughts searching for a way out of…
Here is where I’ve been treading life wading in
My own sin that begun not how I began
But how you began; the start of a fairytale
You bought into a media spin; envisioning
One’s junk as another treasure using your
Stick to measure your own pleaser
While you the hypocrite; grinin and skinin perpetuating
The lies, with cries of injustice inflicted on them.
Not by my hand only their command, words spoken
That leaves others like themselves not whole, just broken.

I AM...

I am…

The one; your sun that lights up
The day that just shines on you; until…
The nights; back drop to stars guide you to…
The love you want; but couldn’t weather
The trials of life, weathered, beaten into…
The soil that’s been spoiled; expectin it to bring forth
The life given freely; spent selfishly, what a pity
The love you want; sands on the beach countless they are
The infinite measure of pleasure; so you go without
The whisper in the night (I love you); enticing you not to fight
The feeling you been craving; just wanting to be…
The key strokes; that stokes the fire burning within
The fantasies hidden; you been fearing giving
The love once marred, scared bared from
The entitlements of your desires you have had
The pleasure of experiencing; unconditionally
The love of a man…I am

In GOD's Hands

...Is where I put my faith, hopes, dreams, and all that I am; so…
When I’m at my wit’s end; I put it in God’s hands
When I don’t feel like helping a friend; I put it in God’s hands
I mean, I do what I can, and can barely deal with my own, that’s why I put it in God’s hands.

My neighbor in need isn’t a friend in deed; because from what I see they never helped me so why even bother to help my fellow man…I put it in God’s hands.

Plus I’ve been burned before helping folks that come to my door…yeah, yeah, yeah… I know I’m not supposed to keep score. But I’m only human; made of the flesh, born to be selfish…that’s why I’m not perfect I guess. I’m just a man…so that’s why I leave things in God’s hands

…When sick as a dog and can’t stand
…Or don’t want to go out my way when I can
…If it inconvenience me and my plans
…Or when placed upon me, too many demands
…Or when I just feel as though its outta my hands...I put it in God’s hands

Man-kind I once thought to be an oxymoron but now I understand because all we have to do is nothing but, leave it in God’s hands…

I Love You Not...

I love you not…
Because your hearts’ so true but because you’re my sunset I will love you not because of what you do; I enamored by you because you’re my rising sun on a new day the second chance to a new way; of life. Melody in my heart; you the words to my music, loves’ ecstasy. What can I say it’s in the way you look at me; wondering what do you see.

Atop the mountain for miles I see, from this peak I speak my love for thee. It echos in the heavens like you do in my heart. Clouds give way to your rays of love feeding life to my soul making each day whole; it never ceases only increases my devotion to such notions like;

Walks on the beach hand in hand
Pillow fights in the sand
Breakfast in bed; desert where we stand
Trips unplanned to places so grand
But the biggest notion of all I dare to be your man

The feeling is mutual, I’m sure of that. Only because you’re sitting there reading this smiling right back. But I realize I’m not the one for you, oh…don’t think I didn’t get a clue. ‘Cause if I was, there’d be no hesitation. You and I both know it’s not about the situation, not location so you say; but the “money” to my dismay…can’t escape the innate desire in times of need only “money” inspires. Those liars of the heart; who want a life more than love, will never experience love more than life is what I was taught…so that’s why I love you not…

Thing called Satisfaction

It’s like that thing that happens after the fact
Not before; did we think before we act
Not before the fall; but, after all, what sense
Would that make; then there’d be no consequence
To this life spent acting without conscience

Twisted is the maze got me wanting to blaze
Up in smoke, my life dreams, emotional kindling
Setting me a fire, roasting my heart burning my soul
Dammit this shit takes a toll on my wallet taxin my mind
Putting in my two cents, although nothing but chump change
Left for me to spend, but the chump change is better than
No change; or stagnated with dogmatic approaches
Never pragmatic is the a dogma that coaches the masses
How long will this shit last I ask.

Silent mouths of a mime, pictionaries contrary to the mind
Drawn by life makes me weary of spoken words and silent actions
I'd prefer silent words with spoken actions that prevoke reactions
by invoking the power of attraction…still searching life for
Some, not a lot, just a little guaranteed satisfaction…

Dinner For Two

The anticipation is what drives me crazy, thoughts

Rolling around in my mind, you amaze me; caught

In the moment; between ready to order and pass the salt

Never expecting my soul to be blazing; no need to put it out

And extinguish what you started; yeah it’s your fault…lol

Eventually, indelibly this came to be, unbeknown to me

And her if I can presume as much; nah I’m trippin, need to shut up

Thinkin to far ahead even back then in my head, when

On the stairs I seen her, everything a blurr but,

Not her, crystal clear my view, there me and you; Dinner for two!

Homie, Lover, Friend

That’s what you are; no matter where you are
Whether near or far; you are…
Hell when you piss me off
You don’t realize you’re getting me off
With your state of mind when we fought
And laugh at how silly we are in our thoughts

When we relate in conversation isn’t it amazing
How we get it without the details of explaining
Over and over with metaphors or conjectures
We explore life together through dialogue and more
With laughter in between the cryin, sighin,
While tryin to make sense of this dense life
You and I defy the nonsense with our common sense
Hence those who know us hate us because they ain’t us
But trust they wish to be all they can’t be like we
Because what they can’t see within hating our silly grin
What it is to be Homie Lover Friends….

Daddy’s Lil Girl

Once cherished and held to such high esteem

My lil princess; embodied my life dreams

So I thought

I forget embodied she is; independent

The life I cherish; but I’m just a step-parent

Not biological, so its logical

Not my life dreams she embodies

But her own and now she’s grown

Acting like the think she knows

It’s shows in choices she makes in her life

following her desires; nolonger heeding advice

And now regrets are a mother%$#

Can’t take back what’s said; games over

You got what you wanted so you think

Now it seems you lost everything in a blink

Of a teary eyed man jdad it’s sad to imagine

All that’s left of his world is memories of Daddy’s Lil Girl…

Divine

Divine

Throughout this life of mine

there's beauty in everything I find

but then there's this image in my mind

that none can define, an essence so divine

your seduction, so subtle and sublime

not seen with the eye; felt in your presence as though I was blind

those with visual desires; they seek only to acquire for a time

but as for I; my blind eye; turned inner vision

Watching you stroll; in and out of my dreams causing such cataclysms

mentally emotionally; all I can do is drool; lost in a daze

deer in the headlight gaze at you; got me all crazed

my love; since then you know when;

till the time the world ends even then

beyond that my friend...till eternity's end...

You are so divine

by Jelaco

Staring At the Wall

STARING AT THE WALL

As I sit here motionless; staring at the wall

I’m moved by her moans, groans;

Tones, into a seductive state of emotions

As I escalate to a erect state; my mind can’t escape

The nightly dreams of a waking state…

All I can do is wait, anticipate what I fantasize

With her, damn man, it’s killing me; all I can do is anticipate

As I sit here, alone listening to the…

Silence solid like ice; transparent to the ear

cracked by the vocal passion; of her screams in tears

of joy and ecstasy as her climax draws near

all I can do is sit here

damn I wish it was me in there

but at the wall I sit stare

imagining what I would never dare…

to take the leap of faith; cause I hesitate just in case

not the right time or the place to throw my hat into the race

for my pole position, in her place

given the situation; damn the complication

of wanting, desiring, yearning to be the one

second to none, but still coming up third

phuk it’s absurd, for my feeling s to be curbed

I must be out of my head; or mind while stuck

On stupid like chuck; what the phuk…I’m trippin

Wishin it was me instead of him mixing emotions

With flesh…maybe it’s destiny I guess

To be a friend at best…lmao…what a mess

Maybe I should give up on it all, cause

I’m lost to it all; sitting here staring at the wall...

Destiny: Life

Destiny: Life

I sit and ponder about things and wonder

When the sun rises, does it rise for me

To show me the beauty of my life; I wonder

Night stars a guiding light in darkness for I to see

This map of the universe; oh the days I curse

Lost in it’s eternity; because this map I can’t read

Missing the signs leading me back to the source

A life with you; how I should proceed

With the bumps in life’s road; causing me to fail

to be like the blind; who read life not with eyes

but with what they feel; like reading brail

only then can I prevail with everything I try

Trusting what I touch; believing what I feel

For; if common sense was just that

Common; then all life luster lost, with no appeal

This life to offer, nothing dynamic only static

I sit and ponder about things and wonder

When the sun rises, does it rise for me

To show me the beauty of my life; I wonder

Night stars a guiding light in darkness for me to see..
by Jelaco

Life Cycles

At age 5 everything was why
At 10 sought knowledge often
At 15 I knew everything it seemed
At 25 for parties I strive
At 40 nolonger 30 so it seems
At 55 life's lesson I now comprehend
At 65 try to pass on knowledge gained;
in vain to the youth but they know it all so it seems...